Whys Work Better Than Shoulds

Whys Work Better Than Shoulds

“If you want to succeed at a goal, you need to understand why you want it. This is critical.” ~Michael S. Dobson

Much is made of New Year’s resolutions. We love fresh starts and new beginnings. At the start, anyway.

But how many have you made in your life? How many have you kept?

Most goals are missed because we are less clear about why we want what we want.

It is my contention we often fail to meet our goals because too many of them are based  on ‘shoulds.’

–  “I should exercise.”
– “I should lose weight.”
– “I should…whatever

How many times do you let your shoulds make decisions?  I know I certainly have too many times.

Shoulds—unless based on values or ethics—suck as long-term motivators. Six months, max.

Then, we revert to old patterns; it’s part of the human operating system.

For the longer-term sustained change required to achieve any goal, we’ve got to unearth why it’s  important us. Sounds obvious, but we’re  usually  clearer  about what others want for us than what  we want for ourselves.

Here’s how to do that in shortened form: Every time you say or think you “should” do something, simply ask yourself why?

If your answer has to do with what other people will think/say if you don’t, then you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Your answer needs to be for and about you, what you want.

When you set a goal, remember: To get there you’ve got to use your “want to” oar, not the “ought to” one with which you’ve paddled in circles for years.

Remove the shoulds and replace with wants.

And whys.

Whys work better than shoulds when rowing toward some distant shore.



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About
Cynthia Barlow

Founder Cynthia Barlow

Facilitator, Author, Coach

Helping businesses build their people

When your people have the skills to communicate more effectively, they can connect more easily and collaborate more productively. Not only on the job, but also in life.

Communication, Connection, and Collaboration—the three “C’s”—are the cornerstones of all successful businesses. They are the result of Emotional Intelligence in action.

More details can be found in my recent best seller with co-author Jennifer Eggers:
Resilience: It’s Not About Bouncing Back

The power of resilience within organizations and can transform an average company into a powerhouse. Yet, even in times of rapid disruptive change, there is no manual for building resilient organizations. This book is that manual.

“If you  want to build more resilience intentionally—personally and professionally—read this book.”
~
Fran Karamousis, Chief  of Research, Gartner

 

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