Reframe, Not Freeze Frame
“If a problem can’t be solved within the frame it was conceived, the solution lies in reframing the problem.” ~Brian McGreevy
One of the defining characteristics of effective people, and certainly effective leaders, the ones we admire, is their willingness to reframe unsettling events into situations with workable solutions.
This is not a default position in the human operating system—we would rather blame the situation or the other person.
And “reframing” is not about employing “positive thinking” in order to whitewash one’s feelings; it’s not about dismissing reality.
The reality is, you’re upset, and that “upset”—anger, guilt, resentment, loneliness, sadness, etc.—is a result of your distortion of the incoming data, data that triggered a patterned pushback as reflected by your feelings.
Rather than look at the way you perceived the interaction—what you can learn from it, what point of view you’ve allowed to freeze into place—most folks would rather continue to blame others because it’s easier.
We choose easy all the time.
That’s why we don’t practice reframing as often as we could, because it demands self-reflection and personal discipline. It demands a certain sort of humility.
And because if we did, we’d have to give up being right about how wrong the other person was.
There is generally a way to reframe a situation, to choose to view it from a different perspective, that will both inform future decision-making, as well as alter current behaviour.
However, like core muscles, you need to exercise your brain to strengthen your reframe muscles—it’s a learned skill that requires practice.
So, check your perceptions. Question the ones that make your insides churn: How else could you view the situation, thereby creating a new reality?
Because the point is growth and improvement and peace, folks, peace.
And it’s up to you to choose it.
Inside and out.
“To change ourselves effectively, we first have to change our perceptions.” – Stephen Covey