“While I relish our warm months, winter forms our character and brings out our best.”– Tom Allen

Today is the first day of spring.

Hahahaha. Not here it ain’t.

I live in Canada most of the year. It gets cold in winter. Stupid, bone-numbing cold.

You gotta’ be careful: Sometimes it gets so cold your face will freeze. (Also, your pee, so don’t do that.)

Native Canadians know this. They know cold and they know snow.

Yet, they somehow still find winter tolerable.

Some people—bless their hearts—even claim it’s their favourite season, a wonderful time of year. A time to get outside! To ski! Yippee!

I think those people have never been to the Caribbean. Or they have a defective gene.

I must have some recessed Brazilian blood coursing through in my veins; I crave warm sunshine and blue skies. November and December, I can live with, what with Christmas and all its ho-ho-ho-let’s-be-jolly festivities, but the rest of winter sucks.

So, I don’t know what on earth Tom Allen means. He must be Canadian. Or Norwegian. Some place that’s cold a long time each year, some place that’s so cold for so long it has addled his thinking. Brings out our best? Our best what?

I remember I used to ski… I think I enjoyed it. I was younger and ignorant then.

But I’ve never liked the cold. Never.

And then there’s the risk factor; it’s so much higher on a ski slope than a sandy beach.

Plus, less stuff, less clothing, less equipment. No boots, gloves or scarves. Only a bathing suit, a book and a towel, man.

So, I have no idea what Mr. Allen is referring to when he says winter brings out the best in us.

I wanna’ smack him.

Because even though the calendar says Spring has arrived, we the North know it’s just another sick winter joke.

We won’t see warm until May.

I promise that’ll bring out the best in me.

So endeth the Ode

“In the spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.” – Mark Twain